Inching along

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The trouble with insecurity (wait, there’s just one?) is that it starts with one thing and then quickly spills out over into the rest of your life. For my psyche, it’s a short trip from the formidable obstacle of my dissertation and all accompanying fretting (what if it all sucks? What if I’m not cut out for academia but what if I’m overqualified for any other job?) to other things that usually wouldn’t take a hit. (What if my knitting sucks? What if my designs are all crap? What if nobody likes me? What if I’ve forgotten how to make new friends? What if I become a twitchy crazy hermit surrounded by yarn cackling to herself over cold cups of tea?)

I think part of my twitchiness this week is coming from the fact (Well, other than the Real Source of All My Woe Which I Have To Write and Just Deal With) that I let myself get frustrated and impatient over things that shouldn’t have been frustrating. I made it out to Lettuce Knit on Wednesday night, but hockey game traffic clogged up the roads and the bus arrived late, then the subway got delayed and I still hadn’t found dinner yet, so by the time I actually made it there it was almost dark and I was feeling flustered and stressed underneath it all. It was lovely to knit and chat with people though, I miss the knitting friends I made while I was in Toronto! I wish I had a knit night nearby again…But for some reason I just couldn’t make myself completely relax and then on the way back I just missed the bus back to Hamilton and had to wait another half hour (I don’t know why public transit makes me this frustrated, it is irrational yet piercingly effective as a stress-inducer), and by the time I got home all I could do was add up the number of hours spent in transit versus the number of hours I actually got to spend talking with knitters…It made me realize I have to do a better job of incorporating Toronto knitting visits with other things in the city, otherwise my fretting will get the better of me. And then that realization made me fret some more, because geez, shouldn’t knit night itself be a reason to come in and have a good time?

Yeah, fun times in my head right now, right? Le sigh. But it’s Thanksgiving this weekend, which is as good a time as any to re-sort out my brain and prioritize. And lest I start taking this blog on a permanent ticket to Cynical Town (stops in Apathy Junction and Mopesville), I can promise there will be at least 1 if not 2 FO posts soon, and that will be soothing to my tattered psyche if nothing else will. It’s not the same as a finished thesis, but hey, FOs are a boost and I’ll take it.

Also, I haven’t forgotten about comfort food, thank goodness. I got a head start last night:

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Parsnip soup and chevre biscuits from a past issue of the LCBO Food & Drink, and then an extra-fun treat which I have more plans for…

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Because sometimes you just want to dip some pretzels in chocolate and then eat them, yanno?
Best weekend wishes to all, and Happy Thanksgiving to fellow Canucks.

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13 Comments

Filed under cooking, real life miscellaney

13 responses to “Inching along

  1. jessmary

    Oh, the dissertation, indeed it is the source of all evil! (I am currently editing my mom’s and she feels much the same as you) I hope you can relax and not fret this weekend and enjoy your Thanksgiving! The pretzels are making me hungry. :-)

  2. Try to relax this weekend and indulge in comfort food and comfort friends – and of course a little comfort knitting!

  3. Oh, Glenna, seriously, I feel for you, I KNOW all about those little ‘stops’… and ‘Cynical Town’…and you had me laughing and chuckling and throw in a few snorts… thank you.
    That soup looks delicious and those pretzels? beyond YUM.
    and just so you know? I love you and if you DO become the “twitchy crazy hermit surrounded by yarn cackling to herself over cold cups of tea?” I hope I live next door :^)

    Have a great Thanksgiving weekend, try to relax and enjoy and…make good times.

  4. Lady O

    I think the pyschological distress is part of why doctorates are structured the way they are… they want to break you into a million little pieces and then say “well that wasn’t so bad was it” – on the flip side at least doing it in academia is not as physically painful as in the army…

    I love your designs, your knitting is wonderful, and if you becomes the “twitchy crazy hermit surrounded by yarn cackling to herself over cold cups of tea” I’ll bring over cheesecake and cackle with you.

    Have a great Thanksgiving, and try to unwind.

  5. Kim

    Hey, if you ever want to come into town early to beat the traffic on a knit night, you can always come here and hang out with me at work. (The joys of being the “boss” in a Queen W. gallery space)

  6. Glenna,

    Unfortunately, I am feeling the exact way you are feeling right now. I suggest watching some silly tv and knitting a little with maybe something like a beer or a cupcake or both. This seems to help me. I have the bad habit of thinking too far ahead and worrying about things that are a year down the line when all I really need to think about is what is ahead of me right now. Maybe this will help you too. If not a cupcake can’t hurt, right?

  7. Em

    “What if my knitting sucks? What if my designs are all crap?”
    If doesn’t. They dont’ — Ivy is in my ‘queue’!

    “What if nobody likes me? What if I’ve forgotten how to make new friends?”
    People like you. I like you! And I think the fact that I consider you a friend means that both of us can make new ones still :)

    “What if I become a twitchy crazy hermit surrounded by yarn cackling to herself over cold cups of tea?”
    One of my biggest fears too. It could happen — all the more reason to come out to LK more often!

  8. We loves you Glenna, even if we don’t see you very often…. And don’t forget, even the yarn will love you if you become a hermit.
    There is always the yarn.

  9. No words of advice here, but I think we’ve all been there — some of us are still there. Here’s hoping it passes soon.

  10. Sometimes it’s not so easy to relax and smell the roses I can imagine. But I am pretty sure you CAN do it.
    Sending good vibes your way!

  11. the rachface

    Happy Thanksgiving, Canada style! (I am a firm believer that more food should be dipped in chocolate.) Hope everything works out for you!

  12. Maybe we need some kind of questionnaire on how to tell if you are becoming a“twitchy crazy hermit surrounded by yarn cackling to herself over cold cups of tea”. Because I have to say, that didn’t sound entirely unfamiliar to me….gulp! Of course, I’m probably laughing at something on tv, but still.

  13. Go easy on yourself Glenna – I only know about the knitting but that sure is good and you wouldn’t have got this far for your thesis to be rubbish. I know you know this really and clearly the only option is a nice cupcake to cheer you up – go on bake us a batch!

    BTW I have the same irrational frustrations with public transport but remember it is more knitting time which is good!