Before attending this particular Monday night knitting Workshop for One, please come having completed the following steps:
1. Cast on new sweater, fully convinced of enormous amounts of time standing between date of cast on and date of actually wishing to wear the completed sweater.
2. Finish sleeves of sweater within a week. Congratulate self on super speediness.
3. Cast on for back of sweater, complete ribbing.
4. Allow sweater to stagnate for a full two weeks with no active knitting whatsoever. Return to sweater, experience astonishment that it has not in fact been knitting itself while tucked away inside project bag.
5. Experience panic over rapidly approaching date of actually wishing to wear the completed sweater.
Ready? Okay. Now you’re ready to proceed as follows:
6. Consume a full glass of wine.
7. Merrily return to sweater knitting, confident of being able to proceed speedily on back piece of sweater all evening long.
8. Discover that proceeding requires placing an “establishing” row of cables, including several charts.
9. Experience deep confusion wondering why your knitting does not seem to match establishing row instructions. Recall that since you are modifying for length, your hip shaping decreases have not begun yet and thus your establishing row is at least 6 sts off from original pattern instructions.
10. Write out establishing row instructions by hand.
11. Knit the establishing row.
12. Re-knit establishing row.
13. Double-check completed establishing row three more times.
14. In absence of visible remaining errors, continue knitting.
15. Consume second glass of wine to celebrate.
16. The following morning, resume sweater knitting as transit knitting, silently and personally celebrating completion of Advanced Level Knitting Technique: Drunken Cable Placement.
Cheers, I say. Cheers.